Help an Older Relative Enjoy the Holidays

By Lisa M. Petsche

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Many people are filled with joyful anticipation and festive good cheer right now. But some are apprehensive and may also experience heightened feelings of loneliness as Christmas approaches. Or perhaps they feel empty inside.

This type of reaction is commonly referred to as the holiday blues.

Older adults are particularly susceptible because they’re more likely to experience losses, such as a spouse or other companion, a long-time home, financial security, health and physical functioning and the independence associated with it. As a result, they’re not able to celebrate the holidays the way they always have.

Feelings of grief may include sadness, frustration, anger, anxiety and guilt — emotions that sap energy and create stress.

Fortunately, there are many things that relatives can do to help seniors in this situation experience enjoyment during the holiday season.
If you have a family member who is widowed or living with illness or disability, read on for some ways to lift their spirits and lighten their load.

Addressing Stress

• Bake extra holiday treats to share with him or her (for simplicity, the latter will be used from here on).
• Offer to help decorate, wrap gifts, address greeting cards and take them to the post office or perform other holiday-related tasks.
• Take your relative out to the mall for gift shopping and lunch. Arrange accessible transportation if necessary.
• Let her know when you are heading out to the grocery store or on other errands, and ask what you can drop off or pick up to make things easier.
• If she doesn’t drive, offer transportation so she can get her hair done, do banking or attend a holiday event.

Giving Gifts

• Resist the urge to go overboard with gift giving, so your relative doesn’t feel the need to reciprocate. If the two of you are part of a large extended family, suggest a new tradition of drawing names, giving family presents instead of individual gifts or buying only for the children.
• Ask, rather than guess, what kind of gifts your relative would prefer. Practical presents, such as grocery store or pharmacy gift cards, toiletries, clothing, home safety equipment and adaptive aids, may be most appreciated.
• Consider, too, gifts of time and talent. Create a book of IOUs for home-cooked meals, baked goods, household chores or repairs, yard work, chauffeuring, running errands or teaching a skill such as computers.
• If she doesn’t need anything, give a charitable gift in your relative’s name. Knowing someone in need is being helped may give her some satisfaction.

Addressing Stress

• Bake extra holiday treats to share with him or her (for simplicity, the latter will be used from here on).

Planning Ahead

• Be prepared to modify or forego traditions that aren’t practical for your relative, such as a late-night gathering or an event at her home. It may be time to start a new ritual; brainstorm ideas with other family members.
• Be sensitive to your relative’s healthcare needs when considering the time period for a family event. Before deciding on a venue, determine her environmental needs, addressing accessibility and safety issues.
• When you extend an invitation, do so with the understanding that your relative may back out if she doesn’t feel up to the occasion. Encourage her to take things one day at a time and to ensure plenty of time for self-care.

Staying Connected

The following are some ideas for spending quality time together and creating lasting memories:

• Invite her over for a baking or tree decorating party or to watch a favorite holiday movie.
• Invite her to your children’s or grandchildren’s school Christmas pageant or holiday recital and provide transportation.
• Take her out to a concert or theater production. Or go on a holiday light tour, followed by dessert at a restaurant.
• Invite her to share recipes for special dishes or sweets. Offer to coordinate a cooking or baking demonstration. Even if she’s physically unable to participate, she can still provide instruction and supervision to family members.
• If applicable, ask her to join your family for worship service. Invite her to sleep over so she can be part of the Christmas morning excitement in your household.
• Encourage her to reminisce about holidays from her youth, including family customs, special people and places, memorable gifts and touching or humorous moments.

Lisa M. Petsche is a medical social worker and a freelance writer specializing in health and elder care issues.