A Little Holiday Planning Goes a Long Way

By Lisa M. Petsche

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The holiday season is a hectic time for many of us, due to the preparations and festivities that typically take place. It's even more challenging, though, when you're caring for a relative with chronic health problems — a demanding role at even the best of times.

To keep stress manageable and make your holidays more meaningful, follow these suggestions:

• Set realistic expectations, and be prepared to alter traditions. Keep it simple, and let relatives and friends know your needs and limitations. Decide what is really important to you, focus on that and forget the rest.

• Set a budget for holiday-related expenses and stick to it. If finances allow, consider arranging for a housecleaning or a catered meal (or both) to save precious time and energy.

• Whatever tasks you decide to take on, ask for help and delegate responsibilities. Make plans and start necessary preparations well in advance. Make lists to stay organized, and keep them handy.

• Include your relative in preparations to the best of his or her ability. Contributing in even small ways — such as deciding what decorations to put where, or helping to select gifts from a catalog — will make your relative feel valued and create a feeling of partnership.

• Reminisce to help you both get into the spirit of the season. Share special memories, bring out photo albums or home movies, and listen to favorite carols.

• If you accept an invitation, do so on the condition that you may back out at the last minute if you or your relative doesn't feel up to the occasion. Take things one day - and one event - at a time.

• Give yourself permission to attend an event without your relative. If it's not feasible to take your relative with you but you'd really like to go and can arrange respite care, go.

• Space out activities as much as possible by scheduling quiet days between busy ones.

• Look after your health: get adequate rest, eat nutritious foods and try to fit in some exercise. A stationary bike or a treadmill is a good choice year-round, since it may be hard to get out for a walk, let alone to a fitness center.

• Find something relaxing you can do to give yourself a break, whether it's quietly enjoying a cup of tea, reading something uplifting, writing in a journal, calling a friend or listening to some favorite music. Make it a priority to continue this daily time for you in the New Year.

• Take responsibility for your well-being by doing something nice for yourself. Some caregivers treat themselves to a special gift at this time of the year.

• Look for moments of joy in which to delight. If you slow your pace and keep your priorities in check, you'll be sure to find them.

Special Tips for Alzheimer's Caregivers

• Keep decorations minimal and out of reach as much as possible if your relative is prone to rummaging or hiding things. Don't put out anything that's valuable or breakable, or that could be dangerous if ingested. Avoid lights that flash or play music, as well as sound- or motion-activated items that can startle.
• Schedule activities during your relative’s calmest time of day. Generally, the earlier in the day the better, since behavior tends to worsen as fatigue sets in.
• Stick to routines as much as possible to avoid anxiety and confusion.
• Entertain at home rather than take your relative out to an unfamiliar place.
• Keep gatherings small, to minimize noise and confusion for your relative. Otherwise, situate him or her in another room, and have guests visit one or two at a time.
• If you're planning to go out visiting, ensure there's a quiet spot your relative can retreat to if he or she can't handle the stimulation.
• Whether you're at home or out somewhere, be prepared for escalation of challenging behaviors and have a plan in place. If your relative is at risk for wandering or likes to rummage, enlist the help of a family member or friend to ensure he or she is occupied in a harmless manner while you're mingling or engaged in hosting duties.
• Don't pressure your relative to participate in festivities. Previously enjoyed events may now cause distress if he or she doesn't understand what's going on or no longer recognizes family members and friends.

Lisa M. Petsche is a medical social worker and a freelance writer specializing in health and elder care issues.