What's Next When Kids Leave the Nest?
Tips for Embracing this New Phase of Life

By Lisa M. Petsche

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When the last of your children has left home, the adjustment can be difficult. This may be particularly so if you have focused the majority of your time and energy on raising your children, or if you're a single parent and now find yourself alone.

Feelings of emptiness may be profound, and challenging to overcome.

If you find yourself in this situation, here are some suggestions that can help.

Be Kind to Yourself

• Recognize that it will take time to adjust to this new phase of life. Try not to dwell on the past, as it will keep you from moving forward.

• Prepare a list of things to do when you find yourself feeling lost or blue. Include small indulgences to give you a lift as well as tasks or projects that will give you a sense of satisfaction (for example, de-cluttering various areas of your home).

• Look after your physical health. Eat nutritious meals, get adequate rest and exercise regularly. (This is a good time to take that Pilates class or join a local gym.) In addition to safeguarding your overall health, these measures will also help ward off depression.

• Keep a positive attitude about life and aging, and associate with people who have a similar outlook.

Nurture Your Spirit

• Write down your thoughts, feelings and experiences in a journal, chronicling your journey of self-discovery and growth.

• Do things that center you and bring inner peace, such as meditating, listening to music or spending time in nature.

• Do things that provide you with meaning and purpose, such as writing a family history, getting a pet or helping someone you know.

Get Busy

• Think back to former pastimes that perhaps fell by the wayside once you had a family - for example, playing a musical instrument or a particular sport - and revive one you think you might still enjoy.

• Take up something new - for example, gourmet cooking, sculpting or modern jazz.

• Get involved in your community. Volunteer for a neighborhood association, charitable or environmental cause, animal shelter or political campaign. Along the way, you may make new friends. If you miss having young people around, volunteer at a local school or community center, or with a church youth group.

• Cultivate some solitary pastimes. Take up crossword puzzles, a handcraft, woodworking, gardening, writing or sketching. Learn to enjoy your own company.

• If you've been out of the work force while raising your family, look for a job.
  Return to school, for a certificate or diploma, or perhaps even a degree. Or just take some courses here and there for personal interest. Check out the offerings from the local school board's adult education center, as well as post-secondary institutions. Don't forget the option of distance education if there aren't any of the latter in your area.

• If you are married, go on regular dates with your spouse. Get creative, trying new activities and types of food, or revisiting activities from your courting years.

• Take turns doing the planning. This is a good chance to step up the intimacy and generate some romance and excitement.

• Plan some trips, with your spouse or friends, or perhaps on your own or with a tour group, depending on your situation and preferences.

Reach Out

• Keep in touch with your offspring through modern technology. Learn to become comfortable with the communication methods they favor, such as texting, e-mail, Instant Messaging and social media such as Facebook. Just don't overdo it.
• Take the initiative in calling friends and relatives to talk or get together. Instead of waiting for invitations, extend them.
• If you find that you aren't adjusting well to your new circumstances, seek support from a counselor.
• If you put your personal interests on hold to raise your children, now is the time to re-invest in yourself.

Whether or not you anticipated being an empty nester at this point in your life, the reality may initially seem unsettling. But with time, patience and trust in your resilience, you will successfully adapt and find yourself growing and enjoying life in ways you never imagined.

Lisa M. Petsche is a social workerand a freelance writer specializing in boomer and senior issues.